An unofficial spokesman for the Conservative Party last night denied rumours that the Tories were really the incompetent party when it came to handling the government finances.
“Look, it is well known that the bankers caused the financial crash but everyone blames the Labour Party because we told our friends in the press and they told the people to blame Labour. If you repeat a lie strongly enough people will believe it. In fact I find it hard to believe we still exist as we have gone out of our way to reward the rich and punish not only the poor but just about everyone else who isn’t rich.”
When asked to expand upon this theme the spokesman was only too eager to tell us. “You want the full story? How about this? We set out to cut the welfare bill but guess what? We have increased it but that’s okay because we paid £200 million to two private companies to administer the Personal Independence Payments Assessment System. Another success story is Universal Credit, £16 billion spent and still in chaos. But that’s okay as it means people are starving and having to go to food banks so that saves the government a few quid.”
“A few quid!” I said my jaw dropping open. “You’ve just confessed to billions of tax payers hard earned money being squandered on Tory ideology.”
“I suppose so but it’s instead of income tax increases. You see we rip off the public finances and pay it to those private companies who deserve to be rewarded as they take risks and actually create wealth.”
I was almost speechless. All I will say is that the truth hurts and you should vote accordingly. Vote Tory, Vote Waste. Vote Labour, Vote Efficiency.