Northern Council Denies Reports That It Is Saving Money By Removing Zebra Crossings Outside Of Schools

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A spokesman for a certain northern council which, in spite of having some of the highest levels of deprivation in the country, has been badly hit by Tory Government cuts has strongly denied rumours that it is planning to save money by removing zebra crossings outside all of its schools.

The latest cuts from the council’s budget have come about following on from a recent report from the Royal College of Paediatrics and Child Health (RCPCH) where the President says that poverty is killing UK children. A Cabinet spokesman (again unnamed) has declared that the council in question is really going way beyond what Mrs May’s government would like to see happen. In defending its position the leader of the council has said: “Not at all. We are attempting to reduce deaths from poverty by taking active steps. The more children who are killed on our roads the less the cost to the council of providing services for children in our schools and it could possibly be a great saving for the NHS also.”

When asked if the council had thought of doing anything to reduce the costs of the elderly on the council’s budget by removing zebra crossings from outside bingo halls and church halls the council leader declined to comment. Your reporter asked if the council had thought of removing street lamps and manhole covers in order to make their targets across the board rather than only children and the elderly. At that point in my interview I was asked to leave.

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